Supporting teens as they navigate life’s ups and downs with resilience and self-belief is something many of us want to do. However, when things get tough, plans fall through, or they feel overwhelmed, it’s hard to know how best to support them.
When we’re struggling, what do we really need from the people who care about us?
Most of us simply want to feel understood, supported, and accepted—without having to pretend that everything is okay. What we need most is kindness, compassion, and a little space to feel our feelings.
And yet, when it comes to ourselves, we often forget to offer the same care. Instead of being kind, our minds can become our harshest critics. We might feel like we’re not good enough or blame ourselves for things beyond our control, which only makes tough situations feel even harder.
It’s the same for our teens.
That’s where self-compassion comes in.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is about acknowledging when you’re hurting and being kind to yourself.
When we practise self-compassion, we become more resilient in facing difficult moments. We don’t brush our pain under the rug or try to “power through.” Instead, we acknowledge it, make room to feel our feelings, and treat ourselves kindly.
This is particularly important for teens, who are still figuring out how to manage their emotions and navigate challenges.
How can I help my teen build self-compassion?
1. Model Self-Compassion
One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is model self-compassion for your teen.
Your teen is always watching—how you treat yourself during tough days, how you talk about yourself, and how you react to challenges. It’s so easy to fall into the habit of speaking negatively about ourselves. As parents, our inner critics can be really loud, and sometimes we don’t even notice the way we speak to ourselves. But when we do this, our teens may pick up on those behaviours and start to mirror them.
Instead, try to speak kindly to yourself when things don’t go as planned.
For example, if you make a mistake at work or have a difficult day, acknowledge it out loud: “Wow, today was tough, but I’m doing my best, and I’m allowed to feel frustrated. I’ll try again tomorrow.”
2. Encourage Writing a Kind Letter to Themselves
Writing a letter to themselves is a meaningful way for teens to practice self-compassion. It gives them the opportunity to speak to themselves with the same kindness and understanding they’d offer a close friend.
Encourage them to take a moment to reflect on what they’re going through and write a letter filled with the compassion that they would offer to their friend.
Here’s an example of what this letter could look like:
Dear Me,
I know you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now, and that’s okay. Life can be hard sometimes. But I want you to remember that you are doing your best, and that’s all that matters.
You don’t have to have it all figured our right now. Tomorrow is a new day. I believe in you, and you deserve to be treated with love and care.
With kindness,
You
3. Be a Compassionate Listener
Sometimes, the best way to help your teen build self-compassion is simply by listening. Create a space where your teen feels safe to share their feelings without fear of judgment.
And just listen.
Our brains are wired to problem-solve, and often that’s our first instinct—to jump in and offer solutions. But this can feel invalidating to a young person. Instead of rushing to fix things, take a step back and listen.
Reflect back what they’re feeling, like: “I can hear that you’re really frustrated right now,” and acknowledge their pain without immediately jumping into “fix-it” mode. This shows them that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling and that they don’t have to be “better” right away.
4. Use the MiiND Self-Compassion Recording
One creative and effective way to foster self-compassion is by using guided audio resources, like the MiiND Self-Compassion recording.
Even better, you can do the recording together.
This not only shows your teen that self-compassion is important for everyone—including parents—but also reinforces that it’s okay to seek support and take care of your mental well-being. Doing it together can strengthen the bond between you and your teen, creating a shared sense of connection and understanding.
The Bottom Line: Self-compassion starts with us!
Self-compassion is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. The good news is that by modelling self-compassion in our own lives and supporting our teens as they learn to be kinder to themselves, we can help them build a stronger, more compassionate inner voice.
We encourage you to take a moment today to practice self-compassion – for yourself and for your teen.
You both deserve it.
Reviewed by Dinusha Cragg (BSocSc(Psych)(Hons), MPsych(Clin), MAPS) and Ross Carlyon (BA, DipEd, MEd Studies, DipSchoolAdmin).
